Re-experiencing aspects of a past life can be an enlightening discovery. It can also be heartbreakingly sad. Either way, it often brings up something you need to heal or resolve. But what if, having vividly recalled a past life, you find yourself absorbed in a gripping novel, only to realise that the person you are reading about, is you?
This extraordinary experience happened to me. The past life I had remembered was with my guide, Ho Hum. And the whole thing was a painfully moving experience. You cannot remember soul mates without it changing your life.
It all began 4 years ago when, on a journey with him, Ho Hum said he wanted to show me something from our Lakota lifetime, when I was his wife.
Now, before I go on, when I talk about a 'journey' or 'journeying', I mean I close my eyes, go into a relaxed trance state, and mentally take myself off to an 'imaginative' inner adventure to meet my Spirit guides or other energies. I've been doing it for about 25 years, but Shamans have been doing it for thousands. It's been many years since I put limits on what - and whom - it's possible to see or connect with.)
So... Ho Hum (my affectionate nickname for him) said he wanted to show me something. And immediately our 4 children from that lifetime appeared before us in the journey. The elder 3 were aged between 14 and 21.
It's hard to describe how it feels meeting your children from a previous lifetime. It's the nature of the earth plane to take away our memories of those we left behind in Spirit. And yet, in spite of that, my soul remembered them.
The information that arose from deep within me as I spoke with each of them were bewilderingly profound. And the information that bubbled up with the tears were involuntary and instantaneous, without any conscious recollection on my part.
I knew the character and personality traits of each of our children; their strengths, their challenges and, more daunting of all, their relationship with me. Yet it all came up in fleeting moments and then was gone. I was left thinking, "How did I know that?"
But the most emotional reconnection came with our youngest son. I saw him aged 6-7 years, with warm brown skin, messy tousled hair, quick brown eyes and a big cheeky grin.
"Oh, my son!" I cried, taking him in my arms with tears of relief and joy rolling down my cheeks. "You are so much younger than your brother and sisters. You were a surprise after so many years! It was just like your father, to give me a surprise!
"But your energy makes me feel sad," I added, not even doubting how this was coming back to me. "Why does it make me feel so sad?"
He didn't need to reply. I felt the response instantaneously within me.
"You died, didn't you?" I asked quietly. "You were still young. Go to the age when it happened." He immediately became about 12 or 13 years old.
"It was on a hunt," Ho Hum told me. "His second hunt."
"But he must have hunted before?"
"He'd hunted before as a follower. This was his second as a man."
"You were always so courageous," I said to our son, remembering. "You had no fear."
"He took a risk," Ho Hum said. "There was an accident. He lived a few days." I burst into tears at the memory of it and held him tightly in my arms.
"What was your name in that lifetime?" I asked when I had recovered.
"When I came of age, I was called Laughing Horse," he replied and then burst out laughing. "Because I laughed like a horse!"
I turned to Ho Hum.
"Our son laughed like a horse?" I asked in polite astonishment.
"He was very good at it," Ho Hum replied. "He used to be very good at mimicry."
However 3 years later, the story of this lifetime with Ho Hum and Laughing Horse was to take a strange turn.
I was drawn to reading 'Hanta Yo', a story by Ruth Beebe Hill, that has had mixed reviews online, but which is acclaimed to be the most painstakingly researched and authentically written novel written about a Native People's tribe.
'Hanta Yo' is based on 'winter count' logs recorded by the clans of the Lakota between 1750 and 1835 to mark the most significant events of each year.
As I began to read the book, I felt Ho Hum very close to me, as though he was reading it with me. And when I reached parts I found hard to comprehend as a whilte caucasian in my hermetically-sealed European existence, Ho Hum would explain why we did certain things in that lifetime, and what the thinking was behind it.
But then I reached a part of the story where a group of Lakota lads, 10-14 years old and from different clans, go out on a boy-brave war trail.
Remember, this version of what happened is an imaginative, educated guess by a white American who spent something like 20 years doing exhaustive research, translating and re-translating the Dakota dialect, consulting indigenous experts and writing and re-writing the text.
But the bottom line is, she wasn't there. No one was. At least, not in this lifetime! We really only have the winter counts to go on.
And yet the story as she wrote it moved me to tears.
So these young boy-braves go out on a war trail. The 'enemy' is supposed to be deer, but they find a lone young buffalo instead.
This proves too great a temptation for these daring lads and, inspired by the chase, they rush to attack the 'enemy'. But of course, the young buffalo fights back and a young Okandada boy is gored.
In spite of the group trying to rescue him, they all watch helplessly as the boy bleeds to death in front of them.
As I read these words, my heart was so full I burst into tears. I knew that that boy was our son - our spirited, funny, loving, beautiful young boy, Laughing Horse.
I immediately had to talk with Ho Hum.
I journeyed to meet him as my husband in that lifetime, and we went to our tipi where I saw him standing there before me, just by the opening. I realised I had changed into my persona as his wife.
He lifted his left hand and touched my hair. This triggered such feelings of the love I felt for him, I burst into tears. But I was still full of 'Hanta Yo' and so I quickly rallied myself.
"Is it true - that the boy who was killed was our son?" I asked.
"Yes, that was our son," Ho Hum replied. "He was impaled on a buffalo, on a hunt.
"But you've seen him in Spirit. You know he's safe," he reassured me. "It was planned. He was going to go at that time. It was going to be an accident.
"Our souls knew it was going to happen - that he would leave us," he added. "But of course at that time, in that lifetime, we didn't know. So it was very hard, but it also brought us closer together, which had been the intention."
This was unbearable to think of, and the emotions - having remembered all these feelings for our child - felt overwhelming. But he hugged and reassured me again and, once I had recovered, I began to think how amazing it all was.
"I'm just astonished," I said. "I mean, that I'm reading this book at all - let alone that I'm reading about our son!"
It's one of the extraordinary things about the universe, that you were drawn to that book," Ho Hum replied. "We didn't realise to begin with. But once you started reading it, we could tell that the energy of what you were reading was very like that lifetime."
I just wanted to share this story with you, because even if you don't by chance read about yourself in a book one day, you have so many loving energies and soul mates who remember and walk with you, even if you don't remember or feel them.
They have memories of things you have done together, so many moments you have shared. And even though you don't remember them now, you will remember them. And then you will realise just how loved you are.
You are held in their love. Your love is part of them. All their treasured memories of you are held deep in their hearts. You are the most precious thing to them. Once you realise this, no amount of 'forgetting' on the earth plane, no amount of fear or doubt, no amount of pain and longing, can ever take that away from you.